May Contain Mild Peril? **

** which has got to be the most stupid 'viewing warning' ever applied to anything.

The eagle-eyed may have noticed a countdown box over on the right. I installed it a little while ago and have been vacillating between excited joy and stomach-churning anxiety ever since.

Blue Bus and I are soon to go on a Big Adventure. By the standards of normal people this is probably not much of an adventure at all, but to me It. Is. Big. It is a trip which has been on my "one day" list for years and years.

🚙     I thought I would head off in Bill but I never wanted to leave Daisy for too long.
🚙     Then I did not have Daisy-dog but was too miserable to organise myself to get away.
🚙     Then we had a badly handled pandemic and bonkers lockdowns so no-one could.
🚙     Then I had the crushing fatigue and brain-fog of Long-Covid so I could not.

And now I have no bloomin' excuses at all and I am in the middle of reviewing my packing for a mere two week jolly (see, I told you it was probably nothing by other people's reckoning!)

The peril is not the 14 day trip. Nor is the peril the fact that it's the furthest I will have been, on my own, for many years.

This is the peril:



I have to go on a ship, a big one, because it's the only way to reach the islands which I have dreamed about for as long as I can remember. Although that is not strictly true - I could get a flight from Inverness and then rent a car.  Not going to happen . . .

I love looking at the sea. I can sit on a beach and watch the tide roll in and out for endless hours. I am, however, seriously afraid of the SEA, of deep water, of not having my feet (and wheels) firmly on dry land. I reserve the right to spend the entire crossing standing next to the lifeboats.

Two weeks today, at right about when I press "Publish" I should be pulling into Fort William for lunch.

If there is a good signal, if I am not too busy sitting just drinking in the island air, I will try and share a little whilst I am away.

Honey, I shrunk the kids

One year ago today we met Blue Bus for the first time 🎉 🚙 🍾 , so I have been thinking about Downsizing, taking up less space now, using less fuel. From our big caravans to a panel van conversion (Bill) and now Blue Bus who is smaller than some of the large SUV's and Crew Cab pickup vehicles which are so common here (many years ago I had an estate car that was longer than my current van).

And so far it is not a problem: channelling Clara Oswald I can definitely say "she's smaller on the outside" because during my first trip away in the van I never had too little space. Oh yes, I have far less room than any previous recreational vehicle, and there is definitely very little unused space but I have not yet had an "oh damn, there is not room for ....." moment.  Granted there are a couple of items which used to travel with me when I drove Bill but they were things I rarely (if ever) used and am quite happy to leave behind.

Living in a space of about two square metres does however, require a degree of care, consideration and advance planning. Like getting the toilet out from the cupboard under the seat BEFORE you make up the bed for the night 🙄.

I have less than zero tolerance for mess and visual clutter which meant a lot of my time in Bill was not quite as relaxing as it should have been. There was SO MUCH SPACE for one person that it was terribly easy not to put something away because I might use it again later / could not be bothered / digging under the seats to return it was hard work and occasionally resulted in injury - as evidenced by dropping the entire seat unit on my hand one day.

That was a whole world of pain which I never want to revisit. This is a rubbish picture, be glad I do not have one of the same injury two days later when the entire back of my hand was purple and twice its normal size and I still think how lucky I was not to break any bones.
  {Edit: this little mishap occured in June 2021, in my previous campervan.}



But in Blue Bus leaving something out is just not an option; there is not the space. Use it, wash it up, fold it up, put it away. Every single time. And when done immediately, tidying up takes very little time at all and made for a mentally peaceful living environment. It was absolute bliss! Everything is simplified - only two rings to cook on so meals are as basic as they can be whilst still being fresh and nutritious. The fridge is pretty small so any trip longer than a few days and there will be shopping locally for fresh provisions which means I will contribute to the economy where I am staying and probably find new things.





Being in Blue Bus is a very different experience to any previous holiday and I think it is closer to camping than what has become the norm for caravan and motorhome living (one of our caravans had a fridge which was as big as the one I have at home).

In just three nights I found myself so blissed out that I felt more as if I'd spent a couple of weeks on a Buddhist retreat than on a campsite. During this holiday one of the many books I had with me was the new edition of Martin Dorey's Campervan Bible. He writes:

Camping breaks life down into the essentials, and nothing more.
You eat, sleep and play without distractions and interruptions, 

living simply, away from the vapid trappings of our everyday existence.

Sums it up perfectly.

Castle Kennedy Garden in May

Over multiple trips to this corner of Scotland I have visited every garden in the area, some several times. This is hands-down, no questions, the best of them all. And probably the most friendly and best value too - shaded carparking, dogs can wander around with their people, and not expensive. For me, May is the prime time to visit because of the Rhododendron and Azalea collection. And possibly my favourite is the massively scented Azalea luteum, which is going to have to be added to the Bag End collection very soon.

I find scent very difficult to describe but this is somewhere along the lines of vanilla and gorse (think pineapple & coconut), but it isn't any of those things either. It is a scent which travels on a warm day and I've been known to sit under a bush for some considerable time just trying to absorb it all and imprint the memory on my brain. If someone can accurately describe it I would be very grateful!



I mean, just look at this - and entire avenue of yellow heaven:




Enough waffle, here's the eye-candy.

Busy Doing Nothing

The campsite at New England Bay is around three hours from home and I have done the drive so many, many times I could almost get there on autopilot. However, I have always been tired out on arrival with the afternoon of my first day spent sitting around, wandering to the beach and resting up. Travelling in Blue Bus I found things were rather different.

Despite (technically) being a commercial vehicle, BB drives like an extremely comfortable large car and it helps that she's an Auto. I toddled up the motorway and then along the so familiar A75 thinking "I'll stop at the usual layby" but when I got there I did not need to, so I carried on. And carried on. And carried on and it wasn't until two hours into the journey my back said "can I have a bit of a leg stretch please". I was only 5 minutes away from somewhere rather special:



Any holiday which commences with an early lunch at Cairnholy is going to be a good one, particularly when I had the sacred loveliness to myself:



I arrived at the campsite a few minutes after the earliest check-in time. When the Manager pointed out that a particular pitch was available I nearly raced out of the office and gave few rodents a run for their money up a drainpipe. Elevated position, thick gorse on three sides, and a half-empty site which meant no-one pitched in front of me. Absolute ruddy bliss - I've always eyed up this spot but never been able to get on because it was given over to a caravan on a seasonal pitch.



Settle in, have a second lunch, have a wander to the beach. Then find out it's barely 3.00pm and unusually I have bags of energy. So I took Blue Bus to show her where the wonderful "2,000 Acres of Sky" was filmed and spent a lovely afternoon clambering over the rocks refusing to consider that firtling around a few metres from a drop into the sea, on my own, when no-one knew where I was, wasn't something which would have been sanctioned by the Should. You. Be. Doing. That? Police.

But they were not here and I was, so sod 'em 🤣 and I had a super time.



After a really good sleep, I was in Stranraer by 10.00 the next morning, and at Castle Kennedy a short while later. The gardens were FABULOUS, but they always are at this time of year. They deserve a picture-heavy post of their own.



After breakfast on my third day I contemplated all the lovely places nearby which I could revisit. And I decided that I could not be {beep'd} to go to any of them. Not because I felt bad but because I felt absolutely brilliant - relaxed, rested, and under no obligation to do anything which I did not really want to. The sun was shining, the campsite was completely silent and there was no need to go anywhere else.

Gosh, that did me good. An entire day sitting outside reading or browsing around on my iPad (for a remote location the phone signal is ridiculously good). I wandered to the beach, watched gannets diving for food, drank endless mugs of tea, said hello to random dogs who were having a wonderful time, and just breathed out, very aware of how magical it all was.



Final day - slow start, slow bimble home stopping off at a couple of garden centres just to have a look, just because I was passing. Arrived back at Bag End feeling ridiculously "Zen" wondering if I had really been away for only four days because something Wibbly Wobbly Time-y Wimey had happened to make it feel like a two-week break.

Oh Goddess how I loved David Tennant as The Doctor.
They should never have let him go.
They should bring him back.

Oh, ssshhh, they ARE bringing him back - didn't you know?

Spoilers, Sweetie!

Gosh, what a lovely surprise

Goodness - thank you so much.

I have been away from blogging for so long that I honestly thought my link would have been removed from most reading lists and that very few people, if any, would even know I was back.

Cannot tell you how lovely it has been over the last couple of days to see the page view counter ticking over and to receive comments - oh, especially the comments. That someone, somewhere actually cares enough to take a moment out of their day to write a little note still astounds me, thank you (hmm, already said thank you, but you cannot have too much politeness!)

I probably will not do this regularly but:

Sooze - you are very kind. I only mention the Long Covid as a catch-all explanation for why I am not who I used to be, this is NOT going to become a health-related blog. At this time I really do not intend to write much more about it, however as always I reserve the right to end up doing what the heck I want.

Beacee - your blog has been quiet for longer than mine {grins!}

Cathy - lovely to hear from you again.

Jules - I am so RUBBISH at keeping in touch, promise I'll try harder now.

Vix - Yes to all you said 😊 Inspired by your bathroom tiles, I decided to "tile" the splashback of Blue Bus and it's been a huge success and certainly adds to the loveliness to which I return after a day out, or even a trek around the supermarket.

My lovely sign is nothing more than the inside of a cardboard shoebox! The brand is Inov-8 who make fabulous outdoor shoes. I have saved a couple of these, protected with sticky back plastic both sides and have one in my study and one in the van, as you have seen.

It makes me smile Every. Single. Time. I. Look. At. It! And that is the only excuse I need.



Mrs LH - oh heck, I am so sorry for your loss. Truly, I do not believe there is grief like this. My sad conclusion is that you never get back to "normal", but eventually you stumble into a form of "new normal". But the loss of what is often called your "Heart Dog" is not something I believe you ever fully move on from - you are changed at a deep level and there is no going back.

(and the person who said to me "oh, just get another one" is a heartless bitch and thankfully no longer in my life).



Suffolk Sue - welcome back my dear. I've been away far too long and have much catching up to do.

Sue - I know you understand my dear, and thank you. Getting used to 'pacing' after having been so busy must be as hard for you as it is for me.

Rosie - yes, your earlier comment was published, thank you. I do understand about selfishly wanting other bloggers to carry on when you feel you can no longer do so. I guess that is where I have been for the last few months.

Tentatively toe-dipping

This is a most tentative toe-dip into blogging again. It might be a one-week/one-month wonder, it might be something more lasting. As yet I have no idea of the potential longevity of this, but putting 'something' out there and once again sharing with those dear blogging friends who have been so important to me over the years feels like the thing to do.

Blue Bus and I have become firm friends over the past few months. Changing from having both a car and a van has been absolutely the right thing to do, and the luxury and privilege of taking my kettle on every single outing is not lost on me.



Long Covid is still a constant companion. When my brain is prepared to co-operate I read, research, think, and try to implement what solutions I can to cope with the changes this sodding virus has made to my life. I know I am not alone, it is estimated that millions of people around the world are dealing with the same (and often worse). I have absolutely zero hope or expectation that 'medicine' will come up with a satisfactory answer in anything resembling a timeline which could help me, so I do my best with what knowledge is out there and progress has been made. But little is written (yet) of the mental toll of the gallimaufry of symptoms and I have not read anyone talk about grief.

I grieve for who I used to be. For the "Energiser Bunny" who happily worked so many hours creating the garden at Bag End, took Daisy for lovely long walks, made quilts, managed a large house, and was still not tired. Coming to terms with grief is probably one of the hardest things - and I am not good at it.



A few days ago Blue Bus and I returned from a short break in a much loved location - the Mull of Galloway. It was unexpected bliss, and I will share more next time out. But for now, here's a little teaser:








Activity & energy is not the only thing which has changed. So has my Blogger username.